she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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