god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
