i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
