My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
