We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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