It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
