your room smells of hookers.
And success
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
