yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
