Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize