I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
