Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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