I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
