You smell like a Billy Joel song
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
