you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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