A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
