Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
