apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
