I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
