I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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