WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
