Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
