Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
