i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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