Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
