My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
