it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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