but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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