Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
