I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
