weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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