Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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