I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
