Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
