I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Randomize
