Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
