How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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