Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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