Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
