That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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