He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She's the barista slut.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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