she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
