Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
