DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
