when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
