He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
