you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
