I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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