Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
