I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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