all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
