Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
