I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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