If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
