We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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