Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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