why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
