She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
