I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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