k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
