You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
