I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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