If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
