yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize