States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
