I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize