My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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