I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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