I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
