i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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