the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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