i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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