She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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