I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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