Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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