Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
